Monday, January 17, 2011

Stress Test...I failed


Proverbs 14:1 "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down."


That was me yesterday, the foolish one. I don't understand why yesterday was so stressful for me, it just was. It started out cheerful getting ready for church, but there was a glitch...Skylar would not get out of bed and get ready. She even got up to lock her door so that she wouldn't be bothered. We got onto her for it and moved on. The church service was inspiring and I left there in a great mood. Things however went downhill when I decided I wanted to go to Wal-Mart to pick up some groceries and a new game to play with friends that I was expecting that night. That shopping trip was a nightmare. While shopping I spent my time repeating myself to the kids, don't touch that, get down, get up, let's go, slow down, hurry up, DON'T TOUCH THAT! I even threatened to spank them if they kept touching and climbing on things. Why wouldn't they listen to me? And then there was the whining. My words cannot capture how stressful and aggravating that trip was for me. I was drained by the time I got home. I unloaded and put away the groceries and then had the kids lay down for a nap so that I too could have a nap. It should come as no surprise that the kids did not want to lay down. I was however able to get enough rest in to feel recharged. The day continued on only getting worse. The kids started fighting and yelling at the each other, hitting each other, tattle tailing on each other, and then there was the whining! Maddox dumped a bottle of Maalox in his room and that stuff stinks! Skylar pulled down part of the blinds in Maddox's room as well. Why were they being so destructive? They had also trashed the playroom. Toys everywhere (though that is normal) but they had drinks and food up there as well, not allowed! I couldn't contain my frustration. I was yelling along with the kids, I was spanking them and giving them time outs. Nothing seemed to work. My patience was gone, and I was not being kind. By the time 7pm came around I decided to put them to bed early. Fortunately they were just as ready as I was for them to go down. Relief came over me that I wouldn't have to deal with their fighting and whining anymore. Soon after came regret. What happened today? Its not entirely their fault. I am the one who is raising them. I most likely didn't deal with behavior in the best way. I lost my temper and I yelled way too much. Did they behave at all yesterday? I don't know, I wasn't looking for good behavior yesterday, I was only focusing on what they were doing wrong. That needs to change. My focus and attention needs to be  on what I want to see more of in them. How else can they blossom and grow in those areas of good behavior. Whenever I criticize them with their bad behavior there must be 10 more compliments and praises when they do something right.

Mitch finally came home and soon after around 8:30 friends came over for dinner and games. It was nice being with grown ups. 

This morning I woke up knowing that I wanted a better day. The house was already clean. I used a lot of my frustrated energy yesterday cleaning. I had my quiet time while the kids watched cartoons and Mitch was at the gym. I fixed breakfast for the kids, got ready for the day, lit candles and put on peaceful music. I apologized to the kids for yesterday and I told them that I was having a bad day. We also talked about how their behavior was not acceptable. I held them both, loved and kissed on them, we all needed it after yesterday.  I know of this one mother who when she gets upset, instead of yelling she brings her voice to a whisper. It couldn't hurt to try right? So this week instead of yelling I am going to practice whispering. I've actually have already had to use my whisper voice today, and you know what? This whisper thing just might work. I know that I am not perfect, but I love my kids and I am trying my best. Today I am dusting myself off and trying again.

"Yelling at a bud won't make it bloom. Your home will not blossom into a haven if you are not controlling your temper." ~Unknown

Proverbs 15:1 says "A gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger."

1 comment:

Amanda said...

You keep me motivated!!!!!

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